Struggling

Brooklyn, my sweet girl, I really hope you know how much I love you. You are my daughter and you will always be mine. I still remember like it was yesterday the first time I held you in my arms. Your sweet smile will be forever in my heart. It has been a rough week for you and I am not exactly sure why. I can tell that you are struggling with your adoption even though you can't voice your emotions and feelings and it breaks my heart for you. I want you to feel confident and strong in the fact that you are adopted. This was the plan before you were born. But even knowing that, it doesn't take away the pain that is associated with it. I know that you want to know more about your birthmom as we have talked about it before. Whenever I ask you what you would tell her if you could talk to her and you always respond the same way, without any hesitation, "I just want to tell her I love her." I pray that you will get the chance to tell her that one day. I know that she would love more than anything to hear you say those words to her.

You are a very intelligent girl, Brooklyn. And you want to know as much as you can about your birthmom and all the details of your adoption. I wish I had more information that I could give you, but unfortunately I don't have much information. I will always tell you anything that I know. Please know that I am always here for you. You can always talk about how you feel with me. Please don't be afraid of hurting me. I know that I will always be your mom no matter what. I will always love you. You wanting to know your birthmom will not take anything away from our relationship.

I don't know how you feel and I am not going to even pretend to, but I have an idea how you feel. I think of my mom often. I miss her. I don't remember many things about her since I was so young when she passed away. If I was given the chance I would tell her the exact same thing that you would say to your birthmom, "I love you." We don't have to know them to feel connected with them. Your birthmom will always be a part of you just as my mom will always be a part of me. There will come a day when we will both see them again. What an amazing reunion that will be. In the meantime, Brooklyn, please always know that you are loved. You are safe. You are amazing. You have so much love in your heart you amaze me everyday. I have never met someone like you that at 6 years old you can see a need that someone has and you are able to meet that need. Whether it is Talmage needing to be held or fed, playing with Brigham, helping me with the boys, cleaning the house. You are awesome and there is just no other way to put it. You are such a blessing to our family. We would not be the same without you. We are all better people because you are in our lives. I thank Heavenly Father for you everyday. I am one lucky mama to have you as my daughter. You are an amazing example to me and I can only imagine what an incredible mother you will be some day.

I love you, Brooklyn! You are my girl and you always will be.